Wow... it's been so long and so much has happened since May!
I have to apologize for not posting sooner, but I blame this on my addiction to Facebook (well, I really have no one else to blame but me). Man, good thing I never started Farmville or one of these idiotic FB games.
So much has happened... in summary:
-France was awesome. I love my family and miss them very much.
-Babe and I celebrated 9 years together.
-Got bit on my nose by my friend's dog.
-My uncle Charles died of a heart attack.
-My best friend since 6th grade is expecting a baby girl.
-Renewed my gym membership and started kickboxing again.
-Has become the West Hollywood queen.
-Went to Disneyland for the first time since 1992.
-My cousins in Orange County had a beautiful baby girl.
-Tried Sea Urchin at a sushi place (gross... but at least I tried it).
-Started introducing a little bit of wine into my life.
-Had the best, most memorable times with my mom and bro over Sangria and Tapas.
and so much more...
My France May trip was an absolute blast. As expected, right before I landed, as I gaze up at these typical clouds of Paris and slight rain... I can't help but shed a tear of joy of mixed emotions. My French experience starts before I get off the plane, as I glance at my neighbor reading "Le Parisien" newspaper, I finish my delicious croissant, and I hear some French people arguing. Ah, I am home...
But the thing is... what I've been asking myself lately.... what, and where is home?
I love France and my family there. I feel happy and sad when I go back. Happy because it is my country of birth and where I spent my first 12 years. Happy because I get to see my dad and siblings (who are now 15 BTW holy crap!!!) and other family. Happy because as I walk on the beaches of Le Lavandou, have homemade paella by grandpa Gigi, run my bike in the Paris 'burbs to get an evening baguette... I feel those childhood memories, back in those times when I was happy and did not have a care in the world. I feel sad because.... well, I love my dad so much, because he's my dad... and my brother and sister... and I love being with them... but I nearly don't spend enough time with them. They are growing up so fast, and I feel sad that I am not a part of their daily lives (now they are on FB so it might help...) Once every two years though is when I should go back... at a MINIMUM. And I would love to go next year actually. I'd really like to plan on it (maybe even with Babe).
Salt Lake, UT? Yeah, it's also considered home.... but that's my safe spot. My spot to be with family and get married, pop out kids and start a family with a home and a white picket fence and raise children in a very safe area. The American dream. And as of a few months ago, when I was unhappy and stressed at my job and was hoping to get laid off or something, all I wanted was to go back to SL and go back to that safe place. Well, things have changed...
I think it may have started with this dream I had, which really got to me. I dreamed that I moved back to Salt Lake and got a $10/hr desk job. Still with the company. The job was very uncomplicated. In a way, it was what I wanted to go back to Salt Lake for and do after living the daily stresses of my work. But in the dream, I was MISERABLE. Thinking, the whole time, "why on EARTH would I leave L.A. for this? Leave all the great friendships I've made? The beach? West Hollywood? (haha)".
And then I went dancing in gay clubs in West Hollywood (WeHo). It is SO much fun, and perfect fun too. I get to shake my booty to top 40 songs but no guys are hitting on me (I've yet to be hit on by a girl though, should I be self-conscious? haha! That's totally fine!!). Plus, I get to hang out with my favorite gay guy friend from volleyball, who has become my BFF and can talk to about almost anything.
Home is... many different places. Different places which arouse different emotions. Basically I still expect France to be home as where I get to be a kid again... and Salt Lake to where I can raise a family... and then there's good old Los Angeles... which I have now realized, is really, truly, NOW MORE THAN EVER, my current home. The place where a girl in her mid 20's should be and have the time of her life.
So now... for the first time in a while, I can truly say... that...
I
AM
HAPPY.
So happy.
Really, really happy.
I wake up everyday with a smile on my face, because of how great my life is. My job's doing better, although I still have challenges, I embrace them and finally enjoy learning new things. I have some of the greatest friends in the world. And I have truly the best of both worlds. Babe and I still love each other after 9 amazing years, and when he comes out we have the best time together. And then when he's gone... I get to go out and have fun with my friends, doing what a single girl in her mid 20's would do, all while staying loyal to my man.
Life.... is SWEET.
And don't get me wrong, I still see Salt Lake as the ideal place for my future and raising a family... but now, I just don't want to go back just yet. I can easily see myself living in SoCal at least another 2 years.
This has been quite a lot for today... I actually have to go hit the gym right now because my personal trainer gave me homework (I haven't had homework since 2007! Haha!) and then it's beach volleyball time. I want to write on this blog more often because I feel happier when I do, expressing my emotions.
I hope everyone is doing well... I would love to hear how you are doing also (most of you I catch up with on the bookface) but I wish you all, lots of happiness.... and a fabulous Sunday!!!
